4/10/2011

EDR Checklist: Light Packer/Fast Thinker Edition

By the time May 5 rolls around, Billdozer and I will have fielded literally hundreds of questions about the EDR, everything from the sublime ("How can I help?") to the ridiculous ("Who can I count on to tow my pop-up tent trailer?")

If you're a light packer and a fast thinker, this is really all you need. My list in in addition to the motorcycle between your legs and the clothes on your back, which should include a jacket or vest, t-shirt, flannel, boots, socks, belt, ball cap and jeans:

• $500 cash in small bills (No hundies—Mexicans won't be able to make change)
• Credit card and/or ATM card
• Passport
• Pocket knife
• Tool kit with spares you're confident your hand-built death trap might need (points, plugs, etc.)
• Alloy bottle(s) with a couple extra quarts of gas
• 3 pair of socks
• 2 pair of underwear
• 1 pair of jeans
• Swim trunks or shorts
• Toothbrush and tooth paste
•Sunglasses (If you wear contacts, don't. Instead, bring a pair of prescription glasses. Easier to service/maintain on the fly than eyeballs)
• Flip-flops (for showering, beachcombing, camp lounging, etc.)

Pretty simple, huh? Here's what you're going to buy when you arrive in San Felipe Thursday afternoon:

• $10 hammock
• $5 Mexican blanket
• $5 bottle of tequila
• $50 sack of weed

 With these things in your arsenal, you'll be better equipped to offer a girl basic sustenance and companionship. Most chicks who go on the EDR smoke the devil's lawn, and all of them drink. Use these tools to land a spot in some lady's tent or hotel room and you can sell your hammock and blanket to a drunk friend. If you don't score a ladyfriend with your pharmaceuticals, tie that hammock between two uprights and bed down inside your blanket. To stay warm, simply swill more tequila. Your hammock and blanket and the belt I told you to wear in part 1 of this primer will serve as strap-on luggage for the remainder of your adventure. You will probably buy souvenirs in San Felipe, and your makeshift bedding will make an even better spiderweb net for hauling your shit.

Before the ride to Ensenada on day three, throw away one pair of used underwear and two pair of used socks. When you arrive in Ensenada on Saturday, buy the following:

• Rubbers (don't trust the hookers at Anthony's Disco Bar to provide one for you. I hear they recycle)
• Shampoo (your hair will look and smell like shit after boning a strange girl in a dirty hotel room for two nights)
• A Senior Lopez Mexican hoodie (ask a local)
• A Hussong's T-shirt (to replace the t-shirt you tore when you went down in turn three in the Circulo de la Muerte)

After you take a shower in Ensenada, put on the fresh drawers, jeans and socks you brought day one and top them off with the Hussong's t-shirt and Sr. Lopez hoodie. Now you're ready to go out on the town. If a cruise ship docks on Saturday night, you need to look presentable for all the cougars that will climb off the boat looking for strange biker ding dong. If you don't vomit on your duds by sunrise Sunday, this will be the gear you ride hom in Monday morning.

When you pack your shit Monday, leave the blanket, hammock and all old socks, underwear and t-shirts behind. All will be filthy and some will be splattered with blood, so they'll be useless to you in the US of A.

That's it. All this backpack and saddlebag bullshit is overrated in my opinion. I learned the program described above from 3-time EDR vet Caleb Owens, so I know it works. That being said, all my shit's going to be in my chase truck. I don't trust my friend Sweet Lou's XS650 to make the entire trip, and I promised my man from the Buckeye State I'd have a place for his busted wheels. I won't be hauling your shit, however, so please don't ask. See you in Temecula May 4!

-- McGoo

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